They’re the people that you meet each day!
To start my report on my recent vacation to our nation’s capital, I’d like to first talk about the many personalities we encountered there… because a vacation isn’t so much about the things you see as it is about the people and cultures you experience.
It didn’t take long, either.
Upon check-in, I was trying to communicate with the Lovely Lady at the Front Desk. I was speaking in clear, Standard-American English, but somehow she was not understanding a single word I said. Strangely, though, when my aunt or uncle would repeat the same phrase, she got it. Do I slur my words that much? The low point of the conversation occurred when I clearly asked “Where is the Metro from here?” and she replied, “Yewwwww wan Mahstah Sweeeet upgdrade? You come see me in a few day.” She reassured me… “Yehhhs, yo droom haws a dlovely veahooo awf da reahvah!” (Lovely view of the river). The memory of her accent has kept us in stitches for days!
At California Pizza Kitchen, The Brightest Host in DC greeted the guests in front us and asked for a name for their party. When they said “Johnson”, he quickly asked, “OK… how do you spell that?” And methodically wrote down each letter as they spelled… J-O-H-N-S-O-N. Wow.
Saturday, we went to the “Eastern Market” (on a tip from a local) to have breakfast and to check out the local artisans. Where we had breakfast, there was a Mr Loud Man, presumably the owner or manager of the establishment, who was RUNNING the register and kitchen. The poor man in front of us was trying to order for 6 people, and didn’t have much of a chance against this assertive, bombastic northeasterner who clearly prided himself on his food, and his ability to sell anything to anyone! He forced the man to buy grits and turkey sausage against his will, and then re-sold him when he complained upon recieving his food. I swear the man could sell a person’s own socks back to them.
As we left the Capitol, I was making whiny voices, mocking my uncle and his blistering toes and feet. When we passed a Capitol Policeman, my aunt said to him, “What a bunch of idiots, huh” to which he replied… “Well, you’re hanging around with them, so what does that make you?”
Mount Vernon Man takes the cake though… we met this man in front of us in line at Mount Vernon, who was wearing a biker’s helmet… on his belt. It was attached to his back belt loop and was hanging down upside down, in such a way and at such a distance where it looked as though it were perfectly situated for him to defacate in. We call it the poop catcher. Later when he removed his hat, we clearly noted that he cuts his own hair… But to seal the deal… when we entered the tour of the mansion, he kept knocking on everything! The outside of the building, the inside walls, the door jams, even the windows. His way of exploring and discovering was clearly through knocking on something… either that or he was looking for secret passageways everywhere!
Think it’s too funny to be true? Here is photographic evidence: