44 Odd Things

As if 25 things weren’t enough, now they want me to go ahead and do 44.  What is next?  63?  74? 89?  Heaven forbid!

It’s an honor to be nominated, though…

44 Odd Things about you!

1. Do you like blue cheese?
As long as it hasn’t turned green.

2. Have you ever smoked?
No.  It’s disgusting.  I mean, what are you supposed to do with the smoke after you get it in your mouth?  You can’t very well swallow it… you can’t eat it.  It doesn’t nourish or strengthen.  I just don’t understand it.

3. Do you own a gun?
I pack heat everywhere I go.

4. What flavor of Kool Aid was your favorite?
I liked those special flavors they would come out with during the summertime, then run the endless commercials on Nickelodeon so you’d go bother your parents to buy the special new flavor.  I dont’ remember them, but they had absurd names like “Mountainberry Blast” and “Moon Over Buffalo Scrumptious”

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
I think they always taste better at the ball park, and are pretty  much the only redemptive quality of Baseball.

7. Favorite Christmas movie?
A Christmas Story and Star Wars… what?  Star Wars isn’t a Christmas movie?   Of course it is!

8. Favorite thing to drink in the morning?
Vodka – straight up!

9. Can you do push ups?
Yes, but not one handed ones like my dad used to do… with us on his back.

10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry?
I hate jewelry.

11. Favorite hobby?
Coming up with an idea, and then undermining it singlehandedly.  That or drawing Dr Seuss-esque machines during Church.

12. Do you have A.D.D.?
We didn’t have that when I was a kid.  They called it creativity and imagination.

13. What’s one trait you hate about yourself?
Self-loathing.

14. Middle name?
Martel, which is close to Martelo which is the Portuguese word for “hammer”

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment:
Why is chocolate so much better tasting than fruit?
I wish I knew everything about everything so that then I could be done learning.
Why, really, wasn’t New Coke successful?

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink.
Water
Orange Juice
Lamb’s Blood

17. Current worry:
I only worry about things that are completely out of my control.

18. Current hate:
People who don’t know how to do 4 way stops!

19. Favorite place to be?
On Vacation

20. How did you bring in the New Year?
Alone with my fiance and Jones’ Cream Soda

21. Where would you like to go?
Somewhere where it is 75 degrees all year long.

22. Name three people who might complete this:
George W Bush (I hear he’s looking for stuff to do now)

23. Do you own slippers?
They are in the shape of Homer Simpson.

24. What shirt are you wearing?
An Engineer’s uniform: Polo and Jeans.

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
I never have, but I hope to someday.  I currently use sheets made of chamois.  I have to kick that bed wetting problem before I go to something less absorptive.

26. Can you whistle?
Only while I work.

27. Favorite color?
#1ad95f

28. Would you be a pirate?
As long as there was booty involved.

29. What songs do you sing in the AM?
I haven’t sang in the shower since Ronald Reagan died.

30. Favorite Girl’s Name:
Debbie (two for the price of one!)

31. Favorite boy’s name:
Any boy who terrorizes cats.

32. What’s in your pocket right now?
Eight fortunes from the fortune cookies I ate at lunch.

33. Last thing that made you laugh?
#31

34. What vehicle do you drive?
Rice Rocket – AKA Honda Civic

35. Worst injury you’ve ever had?
Kick in the junk from my brother.

36. Do you love where you live?
If you mean “the hearts of all decent folk”, yes I love it.

37. How many TVs do you have in your house?
Zero… well… define TV…

38. Who is your loudest friend?
TLS (The Lovely Sister)

39. Do you have any pets?
How many cells does it have to have to be considered a pet?  … cause there’s this fungus…

40. Does someone have a crush on you?
Practically everyone who knows me.

41. Your favorite books?
They still make those?

42. Do you collect anything?
Fortunes from Fortune Cookies

43. Favorite Sports Team:
Boston Red Fins

44. What song do you want played at your funeral?\
I would like to have an all-musical funeral, with one lyrical ballet for good measure.
Here are my musical selections: (taken from my actual iTunes library)

• “He’s Not Heavy” – Sung by the Pallbearers as they bring in and take out the casket.
• “The Thrill is Gone”
• “I’m Gonna Forget About You”
• “I Never Knew His Name”
• “He’s Out of My Life” & “Bring on the Men” (sung by my widow)
• “How Long Must This Go On” (after hour #2 of the funeral)
• “Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own” (sung by my Doctor)
• “Who’s Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses” (special musical number)
• “Come on, Come out” (for taunting purposes)
• “Bring Him Home” (sung grave side)
• “The Winner Takes it All” (at the reading of the will)
• “I’m Alive” (sung by me after I wake up from my nap)