Here we go again

After one of the strangest, shortest campaigns in presidential election memory, we are set again with a President-Elect that everyone wants but nobody can stand. In what you might think is an uncanny show of passivism, I am resigned to the facts that are are only now very clear to me as a result of this choice:

The GOP is completely dead and is not coming back.

The “Grand Old Party” of 20th century Republicanism is completely dead. The last vestiges of the old Chamber of Commerce, pro-business, hawkish on the military Republicans are now gone, punctuated by the exit of Mitt Romney who has remained as the sole, lonely voice of Republican critique of the former President and the only Republican of the 117th congress to have the huevos to vote to convict him on the articles of impeachment related to the January 6th insurrection.

The Republican party is now fully and durably remade in the image of MAGA, with a nationalist and populist message as its hallmark and banner cry. It’s a populism driven economically by a backlash of working-class voters to the age of tech and ideologically by the sensitivities of predominately-anglo, predominately-male, and predominately-aged voters who feel left behind by a world rapidly being reshaped by technology, automation, and now — artificial intelligence. It’s a world that is changing too quickly for the average working-class American who – 50 years ago – felt much more valued at the center of our post-war, industrial economy. The folks left behind by these violent shifts in our world are energized by this vapid mix of oligarchy and authoritarianism, believing it is the only stuff strong enough to ensure American is “strong” and “great”, whatever that ultimately means to them.

Indeed, if you believe America is strong or has never been greater by any definition of those words, this is not your movement and I predict you will be a foreigner within your party for the foreseeable future. If the last 12 years have proven anything, it’s the durability of the message that things will never get better until we go back to some undefined prior state of being – a perpetually animating message to those who feel left behind by society’s rapid advancement.

These ideas are not really mine, though. In all the post-election Monday morning quarterbacking, one key set of insights that resonated the most to me was from an interview on Freakanomics with Farid Zakaria.

(Apologies for the long insert here, but they just say it way better than I can.)

DUBNER: There’s a professor of communications and journalism at Stony Brook University named Musa al-Gharbi, who wrote, “The rise of populism, tensions over identity politics, and the crisis of expertise are all facets of a deeper struggle between knowledge-economy professionals and the growing number of Americans who feel alienated from the social order we” — those professionals — “preside over.” So that’s a bit of an indictment of you, me, a lot of people you and I both know. What’s your feeling about that?

ZAKARIA: I think it’s broadly correct. Now, how you solve it is the bigger problem. The post-industrial nature of modern economies, the move from, first of all, a manufacturing sector to a service sector, which is happening in every advanced industrial country, and the further effect of the information revolution, has been to privilege knowledge workers, to privilege people whom Robert Reich once described as “symbolic analysts.” Meaning, if you manipulate symbols, code, images, language for a living — and then think of every profession we get — you know, lawyers, accountants, software programmers —

DUBNER: You’ve just described our entire audience, by the way.

ZAKARIA: Right. You’re going to be doing well in that economy, you’re going to be rewarded, and you have pricing power over your labor. If you manipulate physical things for a living, you do not have pricing power. And that reality has become more and more intense And it’s been an easy sort, basically people who are college-educated versus people who are non-college educated, people who live in urban city centers versus people who don’t. And so, these divides stack upon each other so you end up really with two countries. One, urban, educated, secular, multicultural, and the other one rural, less educated, more white, more religious. And that creates a much greater chasm than we have ever had. If you go back 50 years, what you notice is the steelworker made more than the accountant or even sometimes the junior lawyer. There were lots of blue collar professions and lots of blue collar towns which were thriving. Detroit was one of the richest cities in America. That world has gone away. That’s the fundamental structural push which is creating this alienation. I very much dispute the idea that the elites are looking down on this great unwashed. I think that’s a nice way to indict them.

I was wrong. So very wrong.

I believed Donald Trump was a political character, and MAGA was a kitschy slogan. I thought this would all be a flash in the pan or a temporary wave, much like the anti-Tax Tea Party movement of 2012 was, but I was wrong. I now fully embrace the idea Zakaria and Dubner so eloquently explored – that this goes beyond a movement and is a complete reshaping of the conservative wing of the country.

What this means for Democrats

Strangely enough, this actually leaves the Democratic party in a much bigger shambles than previously anticipated. The coalition of voters that elected a much healthier Joe Biden in 2020 was built on his 50 year career of being relatable to the middle class, and there were just enough people left in the “blue wall” states who believed him enough to hand him a 2020 victory. Since Harris simply inherited his campaign staff, strategy, and playbook with only 107 days to campaign, it’s no wonder she fell so short of assembling the same coalition with a dramatically different (or just plain undefined) personality.

But my point here isn’t so much that Democrats lost the middle class vote in 2024, my point is that Democrats have lost the middle class movement altogether. While it’s odd to think that the Republicans will succeed long-term at being the champion of labor at the same time as they set out to dismantle the labor movement, this fundamental shift in party personality is going to necessarily force the Democratic Party – at least in the short term – to reshape its message and identity. The New Republican party has proven again its mind-bending power over the middle class, and Democrats now need to find new ways to articulate a winning message.

Enter the clown car of sycophants

Whether you like the result or not, the one thing everyone can agree on is that 2025 will be dramatically different than the slow-start of 2017 when Trump was navigating a party in transition. This will be an executive branch stacked with loyalists and sycophants — those who are fully bought in and singularly loyal to the authoritarian we’ve just elected.

But here is my ray of hope for myself and those who might be inclined to agree with me: November 2026 is right around the corner, which will be the year that every member of the House will be up for reelection in a referendum on whatever the administration tries in 2025. It will also be the time where almost every influential member of Trump’s administration will quit their post to start their presidential campaign for 2028. There is no universe where JD Vance emerges as an annointed successor to Trump, and I just can’t imagine a universe where we don’t see a bruising primary between Rubio, Gaetz, Ramaswamy, and Vance – at a minimum – to fight to inherit the party of Trump.

Knowing this is an inevitable reality, we really just have 2025 and early 2026 to get through — but knowing this is the only window these characters have of getting any win on the books to run on in 2026 and 2028, you can expect a full court press on every front of the chilling campaign promises of 2024.

The irony of it all

The irony of all of this is that, in all of these rapid technological and secular shifts in society, we are entering an era which might be the pinnacle of technological disruption: the era of artificial intelligence — an era that I predict will greatly threaten the fear-induced identity of the New Republican party.

What seems likely (but not inevitable yet) is that AI will create a massive slow down of the labor needs in the tech economy. The educated, laptop-carrying class of today and the coming 5-10 years, loaded with student debt, will be vying for an ever depleting pool of tech jobs at fewer and fewer massive tech conglomerates. Today’s coastal elites will feel the same economic pressure and despair over the next 20-50 years that the current working class – the one that created MAGA – feels now as their labor is devalued and commoditized by AI.

This has the possibility of fomenting an equally enraged and fearful base of voters with the potential to overthrow the governing party who failed to regulate the application of AI or at least effectively manage its disruption to the labor market.

Thus, the kings and queens in this future world could very well pivot back to those who can make real things happen in the real word, rather than those who are “symbolic analysts.” Undoubtedly the greatest challenge this new reality will face will be to deliver enough very-real-world energy to power AI. Thus those who can build things, repair things, and extract and refine raw materials are set to be even more valued in this future than they are now.

A final note

I’ve been kind of dying to write long form content again. This post is a bit of a test balloon to see if a) anyone is still out there or b) anyone still cares to read anything this long. It took me 2.5 hours to write it, and I’m clearly out of practice. I used to do this in 30-45 mins, tops.

WordPress has, to my chagrin, introduced a disturbing side bar that tells me this content has 7 hallmarks of poor readability because:

~~It lacks photos and videos~~ (fixed that one thanks to GenAI)
It has a few longer paragraphs which are going to take longer to read and might frustrate some readers,
Its “Flesch reading ease” score is 43/100 which is considered “difficult to read” and recommends that I use shorter sentences with less difficult words.

So at my own peril, I post this objectively awful post to see if anyone is still out there. I am eager to hear your long form responses on my long form thoughts. I am also here to see if this new post will eclipse my trending most-read posts since 2020: 1) From a Wigwam and 2) Why I’m 420 Unfriendly

This is … 2020

Thank you, Barbara Walters, for that immortal phrase that could only be used to introduce this blog once again to the masses.

What am I doing here? I’m not really sure.

All I know is that 2020 is now here, and it’s been years since I seriously wrote for myself or for others. Like a pop musician whose rhinestone microphone has been taken away, I’ve been pretty quiet on the airwaves in recent months/years.

And I think now is the time to change that.

Not sure if I’m going to call this a come-back or even a new year’s resolution. For today, it’s only taking advantage of a quiet moment on New Year’s morning when everyone else is still asleep and I have some time alone with my thoughts.

For fun, (or maybe as an exercise in masochism) I read back through my various new year’s posts stored on this blog. Ten years ago, I had been married for about 8 months and was still in a fairly twitter-pated and blissful state of euphoria. (and it sure showed up in my writing, boy howdy!) But as I I look back over the course of the last 10 years, I am filled with gratitude for Audrey, Mrs. Brows, who has been constant as the North Star to me. Secondarily, but not less, I feel gratitude for the three amazing kids who have joined our family since then, all with their very different personalities. These four people represent a foundation in my life that simply didn’t exist 10 years ago, but which oddly now define almost every waking hour.

As I look forward, children also seem to be here to help us mark the passage of time. If, 10 years ago none of them existed, the next conclusion you must draw is that 10 years from now, they will all be started to enter adulthood.

In other words: this is the time.

Now is the time to enjoy every minute of their growing up. As our eight year old was playing with his little brothers the other day, I couldn’t help but notice how their ten year old cousin was withdrawn and doing her own thing. She prefers to hang closer to her older brother and the other adults than the rest of the kids nowadays. This led to the startling realization that I might have less time with these boys under the gossamer cloth of youth than I think. Soon, boyhood concerns of play and equitable sharing of toys will give way to adolescent concerns — and if I thought the last 10 years have been a challenge, I don’t want to start to guess at what the next 10 might bring in that department.

Which leads me to a reflection on 2019 that I should share, though I don’t particularly want to: change.

I hate change. I’m a fierce opponent to change. But this year was a year of professional challenge and change for me which ultimately led to me leaving Cisco and accepting a new position at USAA.

I have reams to write about that experience: why, what started it all, what it felt like to leave a company after 14 years, what it felt like to get out and interview after 14 years off the job market, as well as the insanely varying hiring processes I was subjected to during my journey. I’m sure I’ll write those stories, but maybe not here. I’ve tried to keep this space as workplace-free as possible (for a variety of reasons), but I think the important thing to note for this journal and for this audience (friends and family) is that I’m learning to embrace change rather than fear it, and I’m trying to embrace the present and let go of the future just a smidge.

Said another way, I need to let the future take care of itself for a while. My experiences this year have taught me not to try to predict the future or try to control the future. Rather, this year was a year I was able to harvest a few seeds planted years ago. So, now I’m turning my attention to cultivating the soil and planting more seeds, all while watching the other crops ripen and become ready to harvest as well. This requires patience and vision, two things I sorely lack when I’m focused on results for today.

VidAngel or VidDevil?

About 17 of my friends are all spun up about a new controversy brewing about a service called VidAngel, a(nother) Utah-based video filtering company that promises to help you enjoy any film you want out Hollywood without offending any delicate sensibilities. Their angle on the well-worn debacle? They bring their flavor of filtering into the realm of streaming video, something not yet done by any other company. Because there is no technically feasible approach to doing this without violating copyright, they are, in fact, getting sued by a consortium of content owners for their methods — and here’s my take on it.

Before I begin, though, I will say that I’m not going to attempt to take on the morality of this subject. I don’t really care if you like or dislike filtering services or if you think they should exist or shouldn’t. Nor do I recommend VidAngel or not recommend it.** I intend to really just dissect the legality of the situation, strictly from an uninformed, lay-person-playing-lawyer perspective. I could be right, I could be wrong, and this is a blog so it’s just my opinion any way. You are entitled to yours as well, and if it’s different than mine — congratulations for rubbing two brain cells together to make fire, young caveperson.

Disclaimer in hand, is what VidAngel doing illegal?

They say no. (If you want their opinion on what they are doing, you can read this stuff, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.)

To sum up their claim, they claim their are providing a service to their customers whereby they acquire a physical copy of a movie from a retail source at retail prices on behalf of you, their customer. They then wave a magical technology wand and open a wormhole through the Internet from their datacenters into your household, where they play you that movie with their filters in place. Since you “own” it, you can keep the movie forever (they charged you $20 for it) in some digital locker (with the correlating analog version in cold storage somewhere), or you can choose to sell it back to them and get some credit on your account, which you can then use to buy other filtered movies from them. (What they really intend for you to do.)

Seems legitimate, no? Here’s why it’s not:

When you buy a video disc or VHS tape or any other copyrighted film from a retail store, you are actually NOT buying the film itself. You are buying a license to view that film a specific setting. This is made crystal clear in those ominous FBI warnings that are displayed at the beginning of all home videos. The work of art itself — the content — actually never belongs to you. Yes, you did buy and you do own a piece of physical media that was made to transmit the film, but what you purchased for $19.95 was the license to view the video in the comfort and privacy of your own home.

This is the fundamental claim that owners of copyrighted material have over the art they sell; it is never “yours” — it’s always theirs — and they are just giving you a temporary license to watch it. This is why it’s technically illegal to show a home movie in a public venue, like a park or baseball stadium, even when you have legitimately purchased a copy — it was not licensed for public performance. Now, jack-booted thugs will not come crashing down your fence if you choose to have a backyard showing of The Sandlot to kick of little league season, but if your local little league chooses to show it before the first game of the season, and sells tickets and refreshments, you’d better believe their going to have a Disney lawyer sending them love-letters in due course.

And what about modifying a legally purchased copy of a movie? That is also illegal — though illegal is kind of a strong word. It’s a violation of the owner’s copyright. They made a thing, which they then licensed to you to show your family in your home. They did not give you, as part of that license, cart blanche to modify the original source material they sold you. Pulling out the VHS tape, razor blading out a few minutes, and scotch taping it together is — technically — illegal — because you’ve altered the material and it can never be viewed again the way that it was licensed to you and sold to you. Also, if you ever re-sell your license (copy) of the movie, it is forever altered and now they are N+1 divergent copies of the original source material on the market. (You Mormons out there should now go ponder on the moral side of the question given what I’ve said here and our understanding of the ‘evil’ people who altered sacred texts over the course of centuries. They were just “filtered copies” they made for their own use, right?)

Now let’s apply our new understanding of licensed home viewing of films to the VidAngel service.

What VidAngel says they are doing and what they are actually doing are not the same thing. If every time an order came in, they rushed down to WalMart, purchased the DVD you wanted off the shelf, stuck it in a magical internet-connected DVD player that transmitted the signal via closed-loop broadcast to your computer in your home, with some carbon-based life form sitting there with a remote skipping and muting parts of the movie you told them you might not like — then perhaps it would be legitimate. But that’s not what they are doing, and their “model” is super-flawed. (P.S. they know it too, which is why in their defense they call out that this was the 4th thing they tried when they were looking for a way to provide filtered, streaming media)

What they are really doing is pre-buying a BUNCH of copies of the same movie to build an inventory of movies that can be “sold” to a customer at one time. Then they illegally decrypt one copy of the movie off of the disc. Then they edit it for content and create special, digitized copy of this edited version and store it in their cloud. (Presumably, they are also creating multiple copies with different variations of things cut out of them, giving their customer maximum flexibility in what they are willing to see and hear from a movie.) Then, on demand from a customer, they stream you this illegally created copy of the movie you requested.

So there are a few ways this is illegal:

They decrypt the source material. Breaking encryption is illegal. (unless you are the NSA or CIA) Sorry, charlie. Slam dunk on that one alone.
They alter the work and store altered copies of that copyrighted work for mass distribution. This breaks the fundamental rule about not altering the source content you paid a license to view in your home. Yes, you have the right to start, stop, mute, rewind, fast forward, or whatever you want in the comfort of your own home, but that license you purchased did not give you the right to permanently alter the content of the performance, nor does this company have a right to do it for you. ***
They do not properly transfer the license to their customer in an established, conventional way. Their claim is that they act as an intermediary, picking up a DVD at the store for you and then streaming it to you at your convenience. However, they do not transfer the purchased, retail license to view the content via any regular, expected, or established means of retail transfer. In real life, this looks like garage sales and flea markets and $5 DVD bins at Walmart. One purchases and transmits the original source material between parties in the original way it was purchased, not an impermanent, copied, transiently transmitted set of bits that represent the content that was on the DVD/media purchased. You don’t buy a DVD and then copy it to a VHS cassette, sell the VHS cassette and burn the DVD and claim that you transferred the license. Nope, you created an illegal copy, dude. Game over.

I don’t think they have a leg to stand on in this lawsuit, and I expect it to not drag on for too long.

And now I will say something they should start looking at… automated, cloud-connected eye covers and earplugs. You can program the device to the time code of whatever movie you are watching and when something objectionable happens, it can clamp down on your head like the Iron Maiden so you don’t hear or see anything you don’t want to. It will be all the rage, and that is a device that Hollywood can’t touch.

** What about Clearplay? So far, in my estimation, Clearplay is actually the only legitimate technology for filtering movies. I won’t attempt to explain the details here, but if you want a legal solution that will stick around, my money is on that approach.

*** Ok, so since I’ve never used it, I’m not quite sure on this one. I’m also imagining they are storing and streaming complete copies of the movies and allowing a specially created video player (in the user’s computer or other device) to automatically mute or skip what they have chosen to filter based on a ‘script’ of time codes that do certain actions at certain times. If that’s the case, then #2 doesn’t apply anymore. But if they are doing #2 it’s definitely more heinous than #1 and #3. If I were building a service like this, doing #2 is really a bad idea from both a legal and operational, so maybe they don’t actually do it. Again — I dont’ know anything, just a bunch of blather from an uninformed lay person. If you know more, feel free to correct the record in the comments.

You Won, Mr. Trump. Now What?

It has happened. The election of 2016 is now over, and the American people have spoken. In the closest Presidential race since 2000, and in a similar electoral-map-only win, President-Elect Trump has won the election on a wave of populist, isolationist support led by white males from the “rust belt” of America; Michigan, Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Wisconsin.

Candidate-Trump’s premise that he is a “winner” and that American would “win again” under his leadership will now be tested. Yes, he has won the election, and those people who had their front page spreads and Facebook memes ready with “LOSER” stamped across Trump’s face are sadly throwing away a lot of work this morning. Yes, Trump has emerged a “winner” again in a horse-race where there could be only ONE winner; a presidential election. For him and those that supported him, they can have today to bask in that glory of victory — but tomorrow, it’s time to go to work. “Winner” is the title we give to those who have reached the end of the race, but in this case, the race for our future is just beginning. In the governing that lies ahead, the challenge won’t be defining winners and losers, but will be finding a way for America to improve and move forward. And I wonder if Donald is up to the task of winning that race, or all our sakes?

I am really glad my sons are young enough that I didn’t have to explain this to them this morning. Honestly, I’m trying to make sense of it myself. Looking at the results and at how the rust belt played a critical role in this election, I can see in hindsight how Trump’s message resonated. While I and most of the people I live and work closely with in Texas, California, New York and overseas have mostly recovered from the Great Recession and feel positive and optimistic about the future of America, there are still great numbers of people who feel left behind.

In one sense I lay that failure at the feet of the Democrats. They have talked a good game when it comes to the “new economy” and “clean energy jobs”, but have failed to deliver that in a politically meaningful way. I think you can point to specific success stories, but nothing that moves the public opinion needle and soothes the anxiety for the production economy lost over the last quarter-century, particularly in this region of the country. And while we all thought that the palpable enthusiasm among women to elect the first female president could propel Clinton forward, she ended up hampered by her own history and her husband’s history — not in a fashion that was an outright rejection, but in a fashion that just couldn’t put her over the top. Too many places could only get behind her 48 or 49% of the way, which was — in the end — not enough when it counted.

Trump, for his part, is the first person we’ve ever elected to office with NO history of political, public, or military service. We know precious little about what he will actually do with this new position. Since 2006, factions of America have been on a witch-hunt to root out centrists and career politicians, and this perhaps is the culmination of their efforts — a complete unknown quantity with the temperament of a 3 year old who we’ve now elevated to the leader of the free world. God help us all.

The only positive thing I can see from this year’s rebuke of the Clintons — and for that matter Jeb Bush — is that this country is not going to be a country of political dynasty. The thought of giving our next four years to either of those families that already influenced 16 long years of American politics didn’t sit well with me, ever, though I will admit my support for Clinton grew as Trump descended lower and lower (rhetorically and morally) as the campaign wore on.

And that’s the part I struggle with the most.

I want to point to our country’s leader with pride. I want my sons to look up to him and want to be like him. I just can’t do that with Mr. Trump. He represents nothing that I want my sons to become. Can we go back to 2012? Romney or Obama would be about 1000000000% better — both family men, respectful, educated, distinguished. Standing at the end of this bruising 2016 cycle makes me feel all kinds of violated and betrayed, and trying to make sense of my new reality going forward — something like some of those women Trump has violated over his lifetime must feel.

So, that’s where this thing stands this morning. I want America to move forward, and I take comfort in knowing our political system doesn’t depend on any single person. Trump will have to go to Washington and work with all those “establishment” people to actually get work done. I am curious to know exactly what that work will entail, since we didn’t really have many practical policy statements as part of his candidacy, so there’s a HUGE dose of un-surety that comes now, because none of us know really what we just signed up for.

As for the future of the Democratic party, I will say this: Hillary came within single digits in Texas. Hillary had a campaign headquarters in Utah, which did not support Trump anywhere near the level it supported Romney or Bush. States like Arizona, Georgia, and North Carolina were swing states. The Democratic party is the party of growth and inclusion, and still appears to be the party of the future. The GOP has a huge mountain ahead of them in terms of coming to terms with what this new Trump coalition means for them and for whatever rebrand or reframe lay in store for their future. We are still unsure of what platform will come to power in January since the Trump policies don’t exactly square with the rest of his party, or whether relationships marred by lack of support and enthusiasm for his campaign will devolve into petty grudges held within the GOP for years to come.

And finally, for those of you still staring at the ceiling today, wondering what happened and how you will solider on, I offer Stephen Colbert’s very raw and heartfelt analysis, which was finally the thing that helped me snap out of it this morning:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9m2valF3s84

Twenty Sixteen – Two Years of Catch Up (Ketchup?)

Here I sit, at the end of the first day of a new year, staring at this blank screen and wondering what I am doing here. “Leave that blog alone,” that inner voice whispers. “You have 8 posts in draft state that you never had the patience to get to the second paragraph,” they say. But I’m feeling somewhat like a runner who hasn’t run, a singer who hasn’t sung, or whatever other practice-oriented thing you can come up with — I need to get back on this horse. So… I’m going to do my best, here, to get through a whole post. Whatever comes out, whether it’s 3 paragraphs with incomplete sentences, or a magnum opus will stand as a testament that this isn’t just a dead corner of the Internet.

So what happened, you ask? No, I haven’t resorted to private blogging, or even another form of journal writing. I suppose you could say I fell victim to micro-blogging — facebook posts and tweets — that take a lot less thought and effort (although a brief review of my history here suggests that not so many posts here had that much thought or effort, either). But, in the last few years I’ve even slowed that down to a crawl. I suppose I’m one part out of time, two parts out of energy, and three parts out of brain power to compose something coherent on a regular basis. That, and, at times I was reminded that people don’t like to read words as much as they like to look at pictures (which, I hear, are supposed to contain at least 1000 words or more), and — well — the truth is that I dislike pictures.

Whatever the reasons, we find ourselves together now. As I look back at the last two years since I posted anything substantive here, I am immediately hit with how much our lives (and we) have changed. When last we met, Noah was a newborn, we still lived in Dallas, Audrey still worked at JCPenney, and pretty much everything about our lives was different. Here is a summary of what the last two years has brought, some thoughts and feelings that I’ve experienced along the way, and what I see coming in 2016…

The Wreck that Was 2014

March 2014 – Audrey accepted a new job at Petco. It wasn’t news that JCP was on a major decline for years, but the stuff finally hit the fan in her world with a large changing of the executive level of her department. Some of her most trusted and valued coworkers were fired, forced out, relocated, or otherwise displaced. While her job wasn’t under particular threat, we chose to make a leapt that would (hopefully) provide a more positive work environment and outlook for her. We made plans and preparations to move to San Antonio where her new job would be based.

For the record, I thought this was a spectacular idea and supported her 100%. We would just move, right? People move all the time. No big deal. Turns out, it was a major-big deal. It first hit me in March, when we came house hunting. We feverishly searched the inventory of new and pre-owned homes over the course of 3 days. We had a specific wish list and the world’s most patient, understanding realtor. After an all-encompassing search, we found the perfect home for us. The morning after we decided to purchase the home and signed the contract, I woke up a complete mess. It was at that moment that I realized we were moving from our home in Wylie. The deep friendships, memories made, and close family relationships would not follow us here to San Antonio. We. Were. Moving. Yikes. That was an ugly, ugly day. (Poor Audrey probably didn’t have any idea what to do with me…)

After getting over that little hump, we made our final preparations to close on our house (remind me some time to tell you the story on how we took a bath on the stupid buyer’s VA loan terms), and moved to San Antonio in June of 2014. Correction — moved to Bandera TX — to live with Audrey’s parents while our home was being finished (completion date late-July, early-Aug, according to the salesman). Living with Audrey’s parents was definitely a blessing, but it was also a difficult few months, as we both were commuting 45-60 mins each way to our jobs in San Antonio every day. By the middle of July, we were ready to be closer to work, and out of their hair — and our house was nowhere near completion.

To make a long story short here, we decided to back out of that contract, and after a very patient realtor took us on the circuit again, we found another house nearby that was only a few months old, move-in ready, and a quick close. We signed everywhere we could possibly sign to get that closing on July 31.

Eager to put the summer of transition behind us, to get our stuff out of storage, and to get into our new routine, we scheduled an all-day move-in on Aug 2, 2014. I was to be at the house supervising the movers while – for a reason I can’t recall – Audrey stayed with the boys in Bandera. I say this day specifically, because it was a day that would change my life forever. At about 6pm, content that we had enough beds put together and boxes open to bring the family back to stay the next day, I headed back out to Bandera. I decided to call my mom to share an update, only to hear some devastating new; my father had passed away that day, taking his own life.

With the support and love of some of the greatest family and friends a family could ask for, we somehow made it through the subsequent week. Time froze. I spent a lot of time staring at the walls and ceiling, trying to make sense of it all. My mom was incredible through it all, being the rock that she always has been, and carrying us all through the ordeal. I also can’t say enough about the incredible in-laws we have in our family (including my wife), and particularly my brother-in-law, Scott, who were there to support us, tell us where to stand, hold our hands, and lead us through everything we had to go through. Looking back, it all feels so surreal, even now, 18 months later; and part of me keeps expecting for Dad to walk in one morning, blearing at the top of his lungs, “Oh what a beautiful morning! Oh what a beautiful day! I got a beautiful feeling, everything’s going my way!” as the alarm clock for Saturday morning breakfast.

Life changes. And there isn’t anything you can do about that. And though it’s not fair, and it doesn’t make sense (as hard as we try to make it make sense), events like these serve as huge milestones in our lives and define, shape, and give perspective to our lives. (If you want to hear more about my perspective on this, and how I felt about it from a spiritual perspective, feel free to peruse this talk I gave in church shortly after the event occurred).

We returned to San Antonio, still in a daze, but ready to get situated and into our new groove. This hardly lasted, though, because God had a different plan in mind for me. And in September 2014 I was called to serve as a counselor in the Bishopric of our ward. Yes, it all happened less than a month from when Dad died. It was insanity.

For those non-Mormon friends who might read this, each congregation of Mormons is presided over by a Bishop who is assisted by two counselors. They are lay-leaders – regular members of the congregation, who are asked to volunteer for a period of time. It’s a fairly large responsibility, encompassing both and administrative (making sure logistics of meetings and organizations run smoothly) and ministry (serving those with special physical and spirtual needs) responsibilities.

Without going into too much detail, here, I will say that this calling ended up being the miracle that saved our move, for me. Besides grieving for my father, I was still having acute feelings of homesickness for Dallas, and – because God knows us all best – he also gives us what we need to move forward, and though I’m a weak instrument in his hands, he knew that I needed the challenge that this calling would be to re-focus my energy here in the present, and be here for my family in this place and in this way. Through a series of special, personal experiences this experience demonstrated yet again that God knows and loves and cares for each of us individually in our own, personal way.

After a wonderful seasons of Thanksgiving (in San Diego) and Christmas (in Saint George), we were now ready to tackle 2015, with great hopes for the year to come.

The Dawn of 2015

This year proved to be full of both triumphs and tribulations.

Looking back, our biggest challenge was with health issues. Everyone in our family, except me, had some acute issue this year (which is ironic because I am the one who exercises the least and eats the most unhealthily). Audrey had the great pleasure of enduring two fairly unexpected and emotionally and physically taxing surgeries this year. This was extremely disheartening, as she is actually in the best shape she’s been in since college.

We did have one health triumph, which was to find a great pulmonologist for Eli who has finally gotten us trained as asthma parents, and on a set of medications that has, knock on wood, kept Eli out of of the hospital since June of this year. This has been a huge relief and blessing for us, as we were constantly feeling like repeat customers, with upwards of 10 ER visits between Eli’s 2nd and 4th birthdays for acute asthma attacks. For now, we’re feeling some relief there.

We love the hospital, we hate the hospital. Last hospital visit, Jun 2015!

Another long-running saga that played itself out over the course of 2015 was related to my work. In Sept of 2014, my boss at work was laid off, which put our team of 8 or 9 in an odd position. As one of the more senior members of the team, I and another person took interim responsibility for the team during the transition period, which ended up lasting until March of 2015 when we hired a great replacement. We spent the spring and summer doing great work together, thinking all was well, until a huge organizational change upended everything and landed us in a new, unfamiliar organization doing somewhat similar work we had been doing previously. After what felt like an eternity of transition, and two manager transitions later, I was asked to take on the role as manager for our team of 10 designers. Professionally, it was a year full of constant change, and now lots of opportunity for growth in a new role. It’s been a year of saying good bye to many great professional relationships – with people leaving the company and people moving into new roles – so that has been hard. In all honesty, I wouldn’t be upset if 2016 saw a lot less change and a lot more stability, though I’m not putting any bets on the table just yet if history is any guide.

Due to the amount of organizational transition, and in an attempt to be a player and not just an observer, 2015 also was the year I traveled the most in my professional career. This was a great advantage for me professionally, but also a huge burden on our family. Audrey and Evie (our awesome nanny) did such a great job shouldering the burden of me being gone for at least some part of about 20 weeks last year. (33% travel? Not in the job description. 🙂 )

Our boys have grown and changed significantly this year. Having a four-going-on-five and two-going-on-three provides new challenges and adventures every day. The good news it that I think (and I’m not biased) that they are some of the best kids around, and have such great hearts and budding talents (already). We frequently get comments in public about how much Noah looks like me, which always makes me feel good (and some sense of dread for him as well).

One of my only resolutions I remember from last year was to spend some more quality time with the boys. To facilitate this, we bought season tickets to the San Antonio Missions. It was surprisingly affordable for the ticket package, but the $100 in concessions every evening sure did take its toll! 😉 All-in-all, we really enjoyed this great new tradition, and hope to continue it this year.

I also made significant progress in 2015 toward my master’s degree. Perhaps one of the contributing factors to my stopping the blog has been my return to the classroom. However, I am now more than halfway through my program, and we’re looking at how I can get it done by the end of this calendar year. It will be tight, but I think it can be done. (And there will be much rejoicing when I do!)

With new perspective from 2014, we tried to enjoy family more in 2015. We took a week-long cruise to celebrate my mom’s milestone birthday, we spent a week with my extended family for Thanksgiving, and spent Christmas with Audrey’s grandmother.

I also had the great experience of being invited to sing with the BYU Men’s combined choirs (as an alumnus) during April’s general conference, a wonderful 15 year bookend to the last time I sang in the conference center in April of 2000.

It was ironic that we sang “For the Strength of the Hills” because that was the hymn I auditioned with in 1999 to get into this choir…

And this one was nice, too…

If you only watch one of these, make it this one. This one kind of sums up much of 2014 for me… And it’s a very Staheli-esque arrangement.

Looking into 2016

Looking ahead to 2016, I have no idea what to expect. We used to spend time making lists of “stuff we’d like to do” at the new year — an exhaustive, uninhibited list of things we send out to the universe to see what we can actually have happen that year. We started one the other night, but have yet to really get into it, but we need to.

For now, I guess I just have a few — let’s say — ‘hopes’ in mind:

I hope for a year filled with health for my kids, my wife, and myself (if there’s any good health left over after those 3)
I hope for a year where relationships with friends and family grow and blossom. I guess that means I should nurture them more than I have in the past…
A year of professional success and growth for both of us (and maybe a tad less travel for me).
A breakout year for our side-business, so we can get that Tesla!
A presidential election where sanity prevails and reality TV ends… (ok, not really holding out hope there, but trying to keep the politicking down this year)
I hope to be more present, and happy, in every context and every moment of life. (I had to throw in something esoteric!)
Maybe I’ll pick up an old hobby again… like writing on the blog?? (Don’t count on it, and don’t hold me to it, either…)

Yet Another Victory for Fax!

I’m annoyed. Annoyed enough to start blogging again after more than a year’s absence from the online world. What would drive me into such a rage that I would again take to the online airwaves?

This:

Here I am, communicating with this person via the Internet, in a secure website provided by them, and their best solution for me is to

1. Get in my car and drive a piece of paper down to them

2. Fax a piece of paper to them.

Seriously? Medicine will be the VERY last industry to finally loosen their draconian grip on 1970’s, analog technology, and to truly understand digital security.

Oh fax! Another victory for you, sir.

Mitt: The Documentary

I watched the new Mitt Romney documentary last night and really, really liked it. It’s no great piece of filmmaking, but it does a lot for me on a lot of levels:

This is the first real glimpse we have behind the scenes, to the “off the record” stuff that goes on between a candidate and his family. you can see it really does matter to them, and you can see how invested they are. you can see what happens on a good day and what happens on a bad day – and how hard these guys take it when things go wrong.

It shows Mitt as a real(er) person. Everyone who watches this movie is going to say, “Where was THIS guy during the campaign?” Maybe people who went to fundraisers and rallies saw it up close, but most people just saw a very wooden, rich, white guy through the TV cameras, whose fate was sealed with the 47% comment because it confirmed everyone’s worse fears about Mitt; that he was totally out of touch with middle-class and poor America.

To continue the previous point – It does actually confirm that Mitt is kind of a stodgy, rich, white guy from the northeast. The way you see him relate to his family is in stark contrast to the way you see him running his campaign. And it’s no wonder people can’t “be themselves” when running for political office at that level – a truly middle class American would be so uncomfortable and out-of-place riding around on a private charter, dressing in 3 different sets of clothes all day long, putting all your energy into pretending to be interested in everything everyone said to you at a rope line or fundraiser. Politics is a rich man’s profession. And let’s not pretend that’s new, either. All of our “founding fathers” were rich, white men – and nothing’s changed since. (Except the “white” part.)

It confirms what I’ve long believed about the Republican party – that it’s a party of old white men who all get in line to run for office. I can’t remember which brother said it, but he basically confirmed that the 2008 defeat was simply Mitt’s preparatory performance – that it was McCain’s turn – and that it would be his “turn” next time. In my mind’s eye I’ve always been able to see Mitt’s call to McCain before conceding the race. McCain would say something like, “Mitt, if you throw your support behind me now, I’ll be there for you with an endorsement in 4 years” — and I can see that same phone call happening between Mitt and Rubio or Ryan at the end of Mitt’s loss as well.

On the more positive side, it shows an awesome Mormon family being totally, normally Mormon. We see a well-functioning family with members being helpful, members keeping him grounded, grandkids being part of Mitt’s life – and Ann keeping it all together. A couple of very sincere, very un-staged family prayers are shown. It actually kind of makes me want to be a Romney in a way – that they have such well adjusted relationships to each other that they can so easily relate to each other and that parents can take so much counsel and rely so much on their grown children. It’s really something to envy.

The “flipping Mormon” segments are HILARIOUS! Such a double entendre for the Mormon crowd… For those who may be reading this who are not Mormon. “Flip” or “flipping” is a somewhat famous euphemism in the Mormon crowd for the real F-bomb. When Mitt was getting hammered in the 2008 primary race for being a flip-flopper, we get to see his reaction to this with his family — who at the time was really worried about the way Mitt was being introduced to America — and their concern that America would only know Mitt as a “flipping Mormon.” Then they said it about 20 times. Funny inside joke.

Finally, I really identified with Mitt with one single thing he did during the movie – picked up trash. This wasn’t the first time I’d seen video of Mitt doing trash duty. There was some footage that got into official campaign stuff – which might have seemed staged or purposeful – but let me say from one Father to another and from one Mormon priesthood holder to another – I can relate to Mitt picking up trash. I feel like I spend most of my time at home milling around the house picking up trash. I was taught from a young age the importance of picking up trash at Church, and spent a lot of teenage years setting up chairs and picking up trash as a young Mormon priesthood holder. In this thing, Mitt is a man after my own heart. When you’re bogged down, trying to figure something out, stressed, tired, or just bored – you can always find some trash to pick up or take out to the curb.

Here’s a fun clip of him on Jimmy Fallon and the link to the Netflix movie:

Twenty-thirteen is over?

Wow! Where did the time go? I swear, just yesterday, I woke up on Jan 1 and now it’s Dec 31. Either time is moving faster or my mind is moving slower. You take your pick. Either way, it doesn’t look very good for me.

We had a splendid year this year. Above all, we added another little soul to our family. Noah was born on Aug 27, 2013. We are very excited (and very exhausted) to have an infant in the family again. He and Eli are 2.5 years apart, so we were just getting used to some autonomy with Eli – and then the infant dependence hit again. Oh well, it’s totally worth it to wait that 2-3 months to see him look at you and smile.

We are blessed to have Noah in our family.

Each year we try to spend some memorable time travelling. This year was no different, though much of our travel was toward the beginning of the year due to our special delivery in August.

We went to Utah in February to celebrate several important occasions. It was a milestone birthday for Audrey, so we treated her to a vacation in snowy Park City! We went on a sleigh ride, had spa treatements, and had a few moments away from kids to reconnect with each other.

This is how we look when we're cold and have just enjoyed a sleigh ride! — This is how we look when we’re cold and have just enjoyed a sleigh ride!

We then migrated south to St George to attend my brother’s wedding. We’re so glad we have Flora in our extended family now. She and Tyler make a great couple. Hopefully 2014 will bring us many more opportunities to get to know one another and hang out together.

All the Anderson men celebrating the last bachelor left in our family!

Audrey took a business trip in April to Guatemala, and toward the end of the trip, I jumped on a plane and went to spend some time with her. It was interesting to get to know a new latin american country, though I will say that Guatemala was in pretty rough shape. We were glad to be walking in the “American” section of town where there were security guards on every corner brandishing shotguns and assault rifles. When we did venture out into the neighborhoods, we were glad to meet up with a fellow American who was able to give us a ride in an armored embassy vehicle. (the door weighed a ton!) Overall, it was a memorable trip to a place we otherwise wouldn’t have had the pleasure of getting to know.

We also welcomed a lot of visitors to Wylie this year. My parents came a couple of times, we saw Audrey’s parents and Grandmother (GG) a few times, and also got to see our Grandpa Grape. We love that they can all be a part of our lives and are so grateful they make the effort to come see us, especially in years like this one where we can’t make it to see them.

Family in attenance at Noah's Blessing — Family in attenance at Noah’s Blessing

Debbie (Sam's Mom), Ruthann (GG), Audrey, and Debbie (Audrey's Mom) — Debbie (Sam’s Mom), Ruthann (GG), Audrey, and Debbie (Audrey’s Mom)

This year was also a year of transition for Eli. We had to say good bye to Megan, his first nanny, in January. Uncle Ben took up the slack for a few months, which Eli loved and we were very grateful for – but then we were able to hire Emma to watch Eli over the summertime. She was perfect for him, and he absolutely loved playing with her every day. The amount of energy those two had was just incredible to me. We really missed her when she went away to school – which coincided perfectly with Audrey’s maternity leave from JCPenney.

Speaking of JCPenney. It’s been a rough year for them. I’m sure you heard at least one or two things in the press about their fired CEO, public war between members of the board, and disappointing sales results. All of that has translated into a lot of pain and uncertainty in the home office. Lots of people left the company, moved jobs, or were otherwise relocated. Audrey is weathering the storm well, though, and was actually promoted this year to be an Audit Manager. As always, I remain constantly amazed at her abilities and fortitude. She is an excellent mother, a great auditor, and now also a great manager. She seriously does it all. I’m still waiting to find something she can’t do.

It’s also been a year of change at Cisco. There have been lots of ups and downs, but mostly ups. My job feels secure, the work is compelling and challenging, and I work with a very fun, unique cast of characters — in short, I probably couldn’t ask for a better gig. For those who don’t know what I do, I design the user interfaces for administering all the back-end systems that run phone calls and video conferences over large, corporate networks. To say it in code, I’m a Collaboration Infrastructure User Experience Designer. If you still don’t know what that is, that’s OK. I’m still figuring it out as well. 🙂

We were able to be a part of another large project that happened this year, with Audrey’s parents building their dream home (and grand-kids paradise) in the hill country outside of San Antonio. We visited a few times over the course of the year to hold a make-shift groundbreaking ceremony and see progress on construction. We also enjoy hanging out in nearby Bandera, “The Cowboy Capital of the World!”

Eli walks on the front porch with Papa Ron

In fact, we just came back from the inaugural christmas celebration there, though we were only able to stay a few days. It was nice to visit with 3 of audrey’s siblings and their whole families and to give Eli and Noah some time to play with their cousins.

Our year hasn’t been without challenges, though. We’ve had to take Eli to the emergency room twice now for acute asthma attacks. We’re learning how to be parents of a child with asthma, which is new for both of us. We’re now flush with daily inhalers, rescue inhalers, nebulizers, and every tool you can possibly get your hands on for fighting off asthma attacks. Hopefully we can figure it out and it can be a manageable condition for him.

Tigger makes for a good pal when you're in the hospital. — Tigger makes for a good pal when you’re in the hospital.

Other than that, we’ve had a relatively healthy and happy year. We feel incredibly blessed and love each day of living in our little family. We wish you all, our friends and family (cause that’s all that’s left checking this blog), a very happy new year, good health, and prosperity in 2014!

And then we were four

Life is now completely different — again. We’ve just returned from the hospital, having our second baby, Noah, and we’re just getting settled in. No matter how much preparation you make, it always seems like these things never quite become totally real until they do – and now it has.

The good news is that, up until now, #2 has been way easier than #1 was. Labor was short and comparatively easy. Audrey has had an incredibly speedy recovery, and Noah passes every test with flying colors.

We have had excellent support from Ben and Emma, so Eli was totally covered for the couple of days we were in the hospital, and now that we’re home and sitting here staring at each other (ok – actually everyone is asleep but me right now) it is all becoming real to me.

Being a mom is really hard work, and Audrey makes it look so easy. She is never over-worried, always takes care of the things she needs to, and runs pretty well on low amounts of sleep. She’s incredible, and I do my best to play whatever role she needs at the time. (mostly as a specially trained assistance dog, willing to fetch anything at a moments notice)

Being a Dad is awesome. I love my boys like crazy, and there’s nothing quite like sitting in the hospital room, cuddled up with one, feeling like a small piece of heaven came down to be with you – especially when they are newborns. They are so tender, and fragile, and dependent.

Eli is doing good, so far. He had a great visit to the hospital, but we can start to see the first inklings of big brother jealousy – starting with the baby getting to use the boppy pillow. We’ll see how this plays out over the next few days and weeks. Hopefully we can find way to help him feel special during this time as well. We’ve had lots of good advice in this area.

I guess that’s about it for this post. I’ve got nothing else fancy or poetic today, except that: family is awesome. Birth is a miracle. Life is wonderful, and full, and rich, and our relationships are what it’s all about. I’m feeling pretty happy and blessed right now, and that’s about all I can string together by way of coherent thoughts.