Author: Sam Anderson

Terrible (and Not) Retail Experiences

Last night I had another terrible retail experience which has solidified in my mind the reasons why retail stores might ultimately disappear from the face of the planet.

The Experience

I needed a printer. In today’s printer world there are a PLETHORA of options. You can get inkjet, laser, or solid ink technology printers in black only or full color. Each has their pros and cons. Then, to make the decision even more difficult, there are all these multifunction printers as well, which combine scanning, faxing, and copying in many different configurations. Then there is the question of connectivity. USB? Network? Memory card readers? Legacy parallel connections? The list goes on.

I have been putting off the new printer purchase for some time now. I’ve been waiting for the color laser multi-functions to come down in price and mature in quality. I could wait no longer, so I decided to go to Fry’s Electronics and get (at least for now) some simple black laser printer that would get me by for the short term, until I decided on a color-laser-network-scanner-copier-faxer-with-auto-document-feeder-and-network-connectivity-which-is-fully-mac-compatible bohemuth to spend my money on.

Now, I am all about having a premium retail experience. For example, I enjoy shopping at Target instead of Wal-Mart for one reason alone: in Target, they don’t come blaring over the loudspeaker every 2 minutes bellering for so-and-so to pick up the blue line. These small things make all the difference.

When I walk into Fry’s the place reeks of hierarchical struggles. There is a “Person in Charge” podium at the entrance, as well as “Person in Charge” podiums around the store. Usually someone dressed in a suit is standing behind the podium watching the many minions mill about.

Each of the employees at Fry’s acts as though they have some gun pointed at their head; like they might be fired at any minute for any reason. Even stockers and cashiers, who have very simple, limited jobs walk around with a cloud hanging over their heads. I’m not sure why this is, but it is a tense, uncomfortable energy that pervades throughout the store, which puts consumers on edge.

So after perusing the printers for a while, a salesman came over and asked if he could help, and after answering a simple question about where I can find the printers (they weren’t clearly sectioned off into Laser and Non-laser or clearly labeled on their tags as Laser, Inkjet, or other), he left me alone to peruse. After he showed up again, I started telling him what I was looking for in a printer. I only wanted to spend $3-400 if I could get a good multi-function package, otherwise I just wanted a cheap black and white. It was also very important that the printer be Mac compatible, as ALL my systems are Macs. I knew I was in trouble when he responded to my compatibility query by saying, “yeah, well they all should be [compatible].” I know for a fact that most printers are Mac compatible, but multi-functions are basically a coin toss. When I pointed this out to him, especially that scanning software wasn’t always compatible, he offered to get the boxes for the printers I was interested in so he could check specifically.

As I was about to give up and go back to researching online, just by chance I glanced underneath at the boxes that were in stock (rather than the display units), and saw a Color Laser with scanner and network connectivity for $500. It was the CM1017 by HP. “OK this will work,” I thought. When we still couldn’t tell if it was Mac compatible, he invited me to go to a nearby computer to look up the details on it.

When I looked up the printer on HP’s website, I found they were listing the same printer (CM1017) for $474. So I asked if they would match the price ($25 less… come on!), and he looked as though I had just called his mom a four letter word. “No we just can’t match websites… that doesn’t include shipping… we just can’t match websites.” I laughed a bit and was being understanding until he said, “Yeah… we can’t even match our OWN website.” Then I realize, Oh my crap… this corporation is totally backwards!

I showed him that with shipping and taxes from HP.com it still was only $508, as opposed to the $540 I would spend at the store. He held his no website matching ground though.

After thinking about it I thought, “you know, I can spend $30 extra, have it in my hand today, and this guy has been helpful to me despite having absolutely no knowledge about sales, mac compatibility, or finding the right product to fit my needs.” So I said I would take it.

The gentleman got a cart for me and loaded it up, then did a “ticket” (the way he gets his commission on the sale). I walk through the aisles toward the register weighing my choice… did I really want this printer? Was it worth the $30 savings to ditch the cart and go order it online? Somehow, I made it to the register with the cart still in hand.

The lady at the register scanned the “ticket” the guy gave me, then scanned the product itself. Then she muttered something to herself, then went to go call the salesman. I looked down on the box, the printed price label said $699. She had muttered that he had gotten the wrong box, and that he’d be back to replace it. I said, “No. This is the right model. This is the printer I want. The sales tag underneath it said $499, the HP website lists it for $474, and now you’re trying to sell it to me for $699??? This is crap. I’m just going to buy it off their website, you guys need to get your act together.” When the manager lady saw I was losing my grip, her reaction wasn’t to try to explain, she just said, “Okeey.. Dank you. Goo bie.”

I ran into the salesman on my way to the exit who was running back to fix whatever problem he had created. I said, “I don’t know what’s going on here, but all I know is I can get that same printer for $40 cheaper online, and you guys need to get your program together.” And I walked off.

It turns out, yes, the salesman HAD gotten the wrong printer. They were not going to let me out the door with the CM1017 without selling it to me for $699. It was the CM1015 that was $499 (the only difference being the network connectivity).

So I went home, and in less than 30 minutes of searching, I found the same printer (CM1015) for $280, and the CM1017 for $360. I bought the CM1015 online.

Why Retail Stores Suck

So… this retail store lost because:

  • Total lack of knowledge about the products you sell.
  • Lack of ability to match needs of customer with product you sell (this is what salesmanship is, BTW)
  • Lack of competitive pricing and website matching (even matching your own company’s website… hello!)
  • Relying on impulse buyers and people who don’t know better to buy their over priced products.
  • A generally uncomfortable atmosphere set by uncomfortable employees and supervisors.
  • Lack of good communication with the customer.

I don’t just want to end by picking on Fry’s. Here are my other big box retail store #1 complaint summaries:

  • Best Buy: Prices are not competitive, but sales staff are generally knowledgeable and less pushy than Fry’s.
  • Wal-Mart/Target: Stock is typically out of date.. as much as a year. And they still sell them for MSRP, when much newer better models are already available. Also, there is NO sales knowledge or customer service.
  • CompUSA, Staples, Office Supply Stores: High prices, but there is a better chance that sales staff are professional and knowledgeable.

So what do you do? What is the answer? Go to best buy if you want to play with the product, go to an office supply store to ask a question about it, then go home and buy it online.

The Exception (the Not)

Now, there is one exception to this rule. (And I swear I don’t work for these guys) But Apple has saved retail! They really have rethought it.

  • You will always pay the same in an Apple store as you will on Apple’s Online store
  • Apple’s employees are INCREDIBLY knowledgeable (about mac products), and if they can’t answer your questions, they will show you to the “genius bar” where the really smart guys are.
  • I can get my corporate discount at any Apple store or online at apple’s store.
  • I don’t have to wait for clearance sales, collect discount coupons, or find redemption codes. None of these exist for Apple. They do not discount merchandise until a replacement product comes out.
  • You can receive Apple support in the Apple stores. Rather than calling India for help, you make an appointment (they respect your time), and you take your Mac, iPod, or iPhone in and they fix it for you on the spot.
  • Apple’s stores are modern, well stocked, easy to visually parse (not too many products, aisles, or shelves), and accessible (if you’re in a major metro area)
  • The staff totally love their jobs, are encouraged to be individuals (not uncommon to see piercings or tats), and genuinely believe in what they’re pushing.

This is a store I can spend my money and time in.

Poetry of a Cold, Wet Monday

Yesterday’s high was 90 degrees.
Today’s high is 58 degrees.

I wore a sweater for the first time in many months today, and I was still cold while going between the front door of work and my car. I love sweaters.

I ran the heat in my car for the first time since April or May.

My feet are still cold from coming in from lunch. I must be related to my mother.

It’s days like this that make me wonder whether I like the chill of winter or the scalding summer.

I think the answer is: neither.

On/off button.

Beg… errr… Pledge Drives

This week has been pledge week on my local NPR (National Public Radio) affiliate. For those purist capitalists among you, NPR is the radio version of PBS which is Public Television/Radio. These don’t believe in advertising, instead they use government, corporate, and public funds to pay for their programming. What this equates to is LONG, BORING, FREQUENT pledge drives where talking heads yammer on about supporting your public station, etc, etc, etc.

I hate beg week.

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for public broadcasting and less advertising. I love watching a show on PBS and not having to suffer or fast forward through the commercials. That is BRILLIANT! But is interrupting every 15 minutes to beg for donations for 20 minutes. Isn’t there ANY better way to get money? What about the internet? What about bank robbery? Man… just stop begging me for money.

One of my favorite quotes about public television was on an episode of The West Wing. Toby is defending a spending bill on public television to some congress members visiting the White House in this spirited exchange:

“There’s one other thing: product licensing for Big Bird dolls and Fuzzy Bear toys?”

“That’s Fozzie Bear,” Toby notes.

“Whatever.”

“It’s Fozzie Bear, not Fuzzy Bear.”

Sidekick-Boy says that twenty million dollars a year in licensing fees are paid to the Children’s Television Workshop, and none goes to PBS. He adds, “This is a company whose chief executive earns high six figures in salary and benefits per year, yet Sesame Street is subsidized by taxpayer dollars.”

Toby says that this is perfectly reasonable complaint. Well, part of it is.

Toby continues, “And I don’t care. We’re going to see to all those things. In the meantime, at a time when the public is rightly concerned about the impact of sex and violence on TV, this administration is going to protect the Muppets, we’re gonna protect Wall Street Week, we’re gonna protect Live from Lincoln Center, and by God, we are gonna protect Julia Child.”

The West Wing (one of my favorite shows, btw) has quite the history with PBS and The Children’s Television Workshop. After all, this is the TV I was raised on, so you can imagine my delight when Big Bird (and that annoying next generation character Elmo) had a cameo appearance with CJ Cregg (played by Allison Janney, a notably TALL actor)

CJ and Big Bird

How can a true red blooded American not want to support Big Bird? I mean honestly! We all want to support public television. But few of us actually do. And why is that? Because they are just so freaking annoying about it.

So STOP the BEG DRIVES EVERY 3 MONTHS for public broadcasting!!! It is super annoying. Maybe if you’d back off, I would actually consider donating.

Samified

Monday I returned from my reconnectification (vacation) and on my third day back at work, I have come to the following conclusion: I’m never taking 10 days off again.

When I returned, there was a pile, nay, a plethora of work for me to do. While I was gone they decided to set a deadline for all my work to be done the day after I returned from my vacation. So, needless to say, they were beating down the door the morning I got back.

But that’s OK. It’s nice to be needed.

Now I’m using phrases like “head above water” and “coming up for air”. Someone told me I looked “samified.” I’m not sure if that means clueless, overworked, frustrated, or just dead sexy.

I finally got back to writing a blog 3 days after I returned. I’m officially sorry for not writing more while I was on vacation, but I was just having WAY too much fun to really post.

Somehow this story from my sister about my two year old niece puts everything back into perspective:

…Apparently [Kyla] was in [her room] needing to poop. So she got on her bed. Pulled off her pants and pooped on the bed. Then she put her pants back on. (leaving me a treasure in there from the aftermath) and went to the closet found some wipes got out 2 and picked up the poop into the wipes, crawled under her bed. Lifted off the vent cover (which is completely underneath her bed) and put her poop in the vent. Then she put the cover back on and played in her room. When I went to get her out to go pick up E and J at school to take them to gymnastics, i found poop on the bed. Took Kyla to the bathroom into the tub. put her clothes in laundry. Then looked for the poop. I knew it had to be somewhere from the streaks and residue on the bed but couldn’t find it, so I asked Kyla where it was, she got out of tub and showed me in the vent. So I had to clean out the vent. Meanwhile i realize that I am going to be late for the picking up of kids… oh the fun oh the joy…

Moments like this make me realize, my life isn’t so bad after all. At least my coworkers don’t deposit poop under my desk.

Reconnectifications

Vacations are amazing things.  They give us a break from the current rut we are in, offer enjoyment, pleasure, and typically involve going to a new or exciting place. 

My vacations, however, seem to defy all of these definitions. 

I typically work during all of my vacations.  I keep up on work email, and am often out promoting my side business.  I typically go to my parent’s or some other family member’s house, and I rarely go to a place I have never been before.  My vacations are enjoyable, but busy.  I try and see as many old friends as possible and catch up with all their goings on.  I think I sometimes return from vacation more tired than when I left. 

In a sense, I guess what I’m doing is reconnecting with my past; the people and locations that I love.  I’m not sure why I feel a need to do that, but it is a rewarding, positive thing to do.  Many great people and experiences make up the memories of my life, and why not re-experience them in some way?! 

Why do I write this?  What is the point?  I’m not really sure.  It just came out.  It’s one more little paradox in my life. 

Maybe I need to start calling my vacations by a new word.  How about returnifications or reconnectifications?  Sounds good to me. 

Someone should do this poll…

mitt-romney-for-president-3.jpgMany organizations have polled the question, “Would you vote for a Mormon candidate?” Well, I propose they try a new poll question, particularly among Mormons… “Would you vote for a candidate solely because he was a Mormon?”

When I talk to other Mormons about Mitt Romney’s candidacy, they typically don’t know too much about him. That is understandable because it is still early in the presidential race, and up until now he has been living and working in Massachussetts (which might as well be Timbuktu to some Mormons…). When I ask them who they are leaning toward, they usually say something like, “Well… I’d vote for Mitt just to get a Mormon in the White House.”

It’s basically the same logic that kept Sanjaya in American Idol for so long. People vote for the least likely candidate just to see how far he will go. (Well, the analogy breaks down when you realize that Sanjaya had no business in AI, whereas Mitt has qualifications to be President)

However… this is a dangerous position. You should get to know Mitt politically. Decide if he is the leader you want leading the country. I would be very curious to see how many Mormons would vote for their religion even if the candidate were Hillary herself.

While I’m on the topic of Mormonism, did you see “House MD” last night? I thought it was absolutely hilarious. One of the “applicants” for the new positions on House’s team is a black Mormon which House identified by a class ring from Brigham Young. This was funny to me because:

  1. BYU has no medical school… (and it is a well known fact that no doctors worth a hill of beans would get their undergrad at BYU… hehehe…)
  2. Class rings are not popular at BYU. I personally don’t’ know anyone who has one.

The character asserts early that Mormons now have a “very progressive” view on african-americans, then agrees to get slammed on Vodka as the “control group” for House’s latest medical test, after putting up a good fight contrary. (C’mon… wwjd if having a few shots cured a woman) I am really curious to see if this character will get anywhere in the series, and if House will continue to bash on his religious views. Who knows, maybe Mormonism will be the cure for House’s atheism! Um.. Not.

A New Definition of Pain

Saturday I was invited by my friend, Alan, to go to his gym and work out with his trainer Darche’. I have always wanted to experience what a personal trainer might have to offer, and Alan had said that he really liked this guy, so I gave it a whirl.

As a result, I have now experienced a new level of physical pain and suffering I have heretofore not experienced! In fact with the stroke of each and every key in writing this blog, small pains are shooting up my arms and shoulders.

Apparently, it was an “arms” day. We spent our time on bench press, incline press, decline butterflies, and cable butterflies. On each exercise we did 6-8 reps and 4-6 sets. By the time I got to set 4, I couldn’t push anything up anymore. I was beat.

However, I did learn that having a trainer (or even a partner who knows what he’s doing), is really worth it.

  1. They overestimate what you can do, while you tend to underestimate what you can do.
  2. They watch your form and keep you doing the exercise right.
  3. They spot you so you don’t drop things and kill yourself.
  4. They motivate you, push you, and get you to do the one or two extra you wouldn’t have done alone.
  5. They track your progress and help you see how well you’ve progressed.

My friend began a few months ago, and I have seen how noticeably huge he has gotten. In his first week he had lost something like 10% body fat, and gained like 3 inches all over. He is very dedicated and goes 6 days a week.

Overall, it was a surprisingly positive experience… yeah I know… I even astound myself… a positive experience at a gym is possible?!?! I left thinking “I may even repeat this experience sometime in the near future. ”

Until I woke up the next morning. PAIN. Agony. Hurt. I couldn’t move my arm up higher than my chest. Every arm movement cause new pain somewhere else. Simple and routine things like pulling a shirt over my head, opening a heavy door, and pushing yourself up off the floor suddenly become painful, and the creative solutions have to follow. Rolling up onto your feet rather than pushing up. Putting a shirt on one arm at a time.

Three days, hours of stretching, one massage, and 3 gallons of water later, the pain is now starting to subside.

Exercise really isn’t so bad… maybe.

News Flash: No Homosexuals in Iran

Mahmoud AhmadinejadAccording to President Ahmedinejad, there are no homosexuals in Iran. In his words, “this phenomenon does not exist.”

Just one more striking, dramatic evidence that this man denies the basic realities of life. What do we call those again? Oh yeah, lunatics.

Oh, actually these guys might be a little sad to find out that they never existed…