Category: American Idol

OH WHHHAAAAAAAAAA… we’re all so sick and my life is so terrible. I’m kind of sick of hearing about it at every little turn of tonight’s show. The sick people themselves are saying, sick isn’t an excuse!

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I’m not going to have much to say here. It was kind of a boring episode, as it should be. I mean, how long can we watch these poor people cry and sob, and how predictable is it that they are going to tease with the ones who cry and sob but make it anyway… ugh. Some times reality TV bugs me.

Pro: Mr. Fake British Accent did not make it. He was an interesting fellow, but just kind of rubbed me the wrong way for the weirdest reasons. Maybe it was that he lives in his car, and the car wasn’t a hybrid or something. I don’t know. I just have this inexplicable negative feeling toward him. I think he might have a future, if he can just umm… grow up a bit.

Con: Why don’t we get to see more of the Hollywood auditions of the people who don’t make it? This would have made today’s blog so much better, as I would get to totally disagree with the judges on something. Grrr…

And to go along with that, why do you doctor the Hollywood week episode for those people you want in the top 24 but who screw up? (Brooke White) I’m a little frustrated with the editing here.

MAJOR CON: How come you ignored my Jelly during Hollywood week? HELLO! I didn’t’ even know she was in the top 50. We didn’t see anything since her first audition. I almost defected to a skinnier chick! I think this year I’m going to have to have 2 womens though. ‘Cause while Jelly has the equipment, Syesha has the voice that should have gone along with it. I just want a woman who can take paint off the walls… is that too much to ask???

Pro: Simon really wanting Kyle the Oxford Shirt Man to be in the Top 24. I thought that was one of the most classy moments ever, even if he still had to say no. (Which remains the correct decision, I’m afraid. His voice was just way too untrained in comparison to the others.)

Con: No Obama or Clinton commercials. Shucks.

Pro: All my other picks (besides Car Man) made it in.

Con: So many of these singers I have yet to hear anything substantial from… this will make next week’s performances crucial!

That is all. Let the comments flow.

Oh and PS > Someone needs to give Paula a lesson on how to draw a metaphor… the whole sYESha thing was a great idea which was totally bungled!

In the last two days I have seen a record number of visits to my blog! Thanks for coming and checking it out!

As I looked at the analytics for the site, I noticed that many people are getting here by googling “mormon girl american idol,” so I decided to google it myself and see what kind of page ranking I am getting…

Awesome! I’m #2!! Silver medal! (to use Mitt-terms)

However… I’m a little ticked at how google parsed my blog on there – and how it parses every other entry on that page. Apparently it insists on associating Mormonism with craziness, atheism, and mocking other religions.

Oh well, anything to drive a bit more traffic to the site!

Stay tuned.. top 24 blog coming soon…

All right, America. We all have had a good laugh at our fellow goofball countrymen in the last few weeks, but nowthe real competition begins!

I liked the changes to Hollywood week a lot. It now seems like much more of a solo effort, with the getting rid of the group performances and less of the baiting the contestants against each other to ‘create’ some of that great reality TV. The offstage stuff was actually boring compared to the onstage drama of who would part of the creme that would rise to the top…

I think the addition of the contestants playing instruments was a great new trap for many of them to fall into. Most thought it would make them look more talented, when actually it just exposed their overall mediocrity even more. For most it was a bigger sign that they weren’t great musicians.

Now for some individual comments:

Brooke, my little Mormon chick, you look like a walking candy cane or “Where’s Waldo!” You really need to get a couple of shirts that do not look like the Cat in the Hat’s hat! You are extremely talented, and are a lock for the Top 24. You have a very unique flavor in your voice. I just hope we don’t get sick of your saccharine sweetness too early. Even if you are innocent and kind and ultra-Mormon, can you please just try to pretend to be slightly less fragile than you are?

Oh, and one more thing… get a bit of a tan too, please. The white balance is killing the camera men!

David Hernandez, Mr. Super Falsetto with a beautiful Break… you are definitely a lock for the top 24. You think you are hot stuff though, and so you bug me. It’s nice to see someone who has the confidence to actually know how good he is, though. So it’s a balance, then.

Was it just me or were there way too many “thank you”, “thank you” going out from the stage? As if they had already won the top prize. Gimme a break. Just stand there and take the heat (or the compliments) for cryin’ out loud!

Miss Amanda the Rock n Roll Nurse Lady: OK… fashion police! You gotta fix that awful blond dye job on the bangs. Nasty. It almost looks like a front hair piece the way the hair is layering over itself. I love the color of your voice, but there’s something a bit too grating about it. Simon is right, you need some other colors to that voice to get anywheres in this competition. You’re in though.

Mr I Live In My Car Dude needs to get a comb or some hair product – his voice is almost there. It has some really cool moments, but I get the feeling he has no idea how to control it. And lose the fake British accent for crying out loud. His breakthrough moment was his first audition. He actually put some heart into it, choosing substance before style. If it weren’t for that performance, his Stand By Me (which I would rename, “Run Away From Me”) would have sunk him from this competition. He is young, has a story, and is a memorable character, so he’ll be in the Top 24. He doesn’t appear to be the musician he thinks he is, though, which will probably sink him early on in the competition.

Danny Noriega is proof that there are SO many others on this show who can sing, but who just don’t get the camera time. I think they’ll put him in the 24, but I just can’t pass judgment yet. He has good possibilities.

Carly Smithson needs to brush her tongue. Looks like she just finished a lollipop before coming on stage – but she did put something extra into it that song. Then, she just kept bringing it with each subsequent performance. Her Irish blood is carrying her through. She has beautiful moments. She will be in the top 24. She could be a real artist some day, not just a singer.

Mr. Oklahoman Politician… “y-eever eat deer jerky?” ohhh how hideous. He looks so much better without glasses – he should go with that look. And does the man own anything but oxford shirts?? Please! But, really, he shouldn’t make it into the top 24. He doesn’t have a great voice at all, and I think they keep putting him through out of pity, or just to have the right guy/girl balance.

Side note: There was a commercial for Barack Obama in the middle of AI, the first political ad to be run in my state. Awesome strategy Barack!

16 year old David boy is totally making it through on his excellent song choices! The question is, can he actually go the distance? It’s so funny when he says that he gets that “tingly feeling”… but don’t worry ladies… it’s only when he sings… 🙂

Syesha — wow.. I’m really impressed. This is the girl that was sick for the first days, and after fighting the sickness, she really came and busted it out. She didnt’ even make the excuse of being sick when she tanked her audition. I think she could really go the distance. She has an awesome set of pipes. She might have to be MAH WOOOMAN this year, even though there’s not as much of her to love as I would hope.

Mr. Australian man, lots of passion, not a lot of skill. I thought his version of Bohemian Rhapsody was awful and pitchy, actually. I was really surprised that the judges were so positive about it.

Aisia had a really unique sound to her voice, but even now as I review this note, I can’t remember her… so I will say, she’s unmemorable.

Perhaps the saddest moment of the night was seeing poor Paula when she had to say no to somebody. Ohhhh Sad.

Overall, a great hollywood week! Now we’re onto the big time!

Comes the blessed day of JOY! And boy was this a great day of JOY for the American Idol auditions, after several weeks of BORING auditions.

Then there’s JaySmoove, our resident R&B recording artist. …or as I like to call him GUMS! So… gums, you are totally smooth with the ladies with your super counter-tenor nasty falsetto and your pocket full of sparkles. I’m a little scared to find out what other actromons you have in your pocket.

You know, Gums, your voice wasn’t that bad. I can see where you might even have a small future as a backup fake singer on some really bad gangstah rap music video… but see, there’s just one reason why you’re moment with Idol can’t go any further than this little audition… and it’s purely ORAL in nature!

Hang on though, we still have to talk about my WOAH-MAAAAN! For the past couple seasons I’ve held at least one special african-american female as my pseudo-girlfriend/alter-ego… and this year I might have found mine in Joanne Borgella… I think I’ll just call her Jelly. Her voice is just a little shrill and girlish for me, though. I usually prefer the girls who i feel can body slam me with their voices, but she’s on my short list. With those other two linebackers who auditioned together… hmm.. what were their names?

Now let’s talk about some new sides we are seeing in Simon. Apparently, he has a soft spot for for animals. He immediately turned into putty in that little southern girl’s hands when she brought in the little puppy.

Then we have the best moment of the season… for once… for once Simon admits that Paula is right, and she admits that she even surprised herself with being right. You just have to see this to believe it!

After a TERRIBLE audition, Paula recommends that this girl (who is trying to sing a Celine song which is WAY too big for her little voice) would much better on a Dolly Parton song. She comes back and actually sounds pretty good, even though she doesn’t appear to understand at all what’s going on! Simon won’t admit it until later but…

Oh yeah, and keep your eye on Chakeasy Easy. He has a great voice that we might enjoy listening to.

It’s official. I’m sick of audition time on AI, and I’m ready to move on to Hollywood week.

These auditions are just a sorry excuse for a moment to see the weirdest of the weird. We don’t even get to see any of the people who are any good. They put through 19 people from Atlanta, but we only saw one that was decent (that I can remember). What a waste!

But let’s talk about our new Giraffe this year. The tall, proud black woman who came in her heels and slipped while doing her dance. Wow!

When will the auditioners realize that most pop stars and great singers don’t bump and grind like they’re on the dance floor of their local club!?

Also, I was glad to see Simon add a new star to the constellation of his phrases: “the bedroom audition.” You know, it’s the one where you only sound good in your bedroom with the album playing loudly. Poor guy, too.  He thought he could best the judging panel in a battle of coolness and wit. Doesn’t he know he’s at a natural disadvantage?!? Idiot.

Now, I did like the rocker biker chick. She was totally for real about the opportunity. She came in, and just did her thing, without laying it on too thick. Silent confidence. Can’t the auditioners learn?

I am now ready to move on to Hollywood week and see some of the real talent blossom, while some of the pathetic stories (like mr living in my car) get drowned off the stage.

Let’s talk about Chris Burnheisel. Wow… he is like a little nuclear reaction ready to run out of control at any moment. He actually reminds me of Ross the Intern from the Tonight Show. All I can say is poor Fox 42 who now has to put up with his dumb whiny voice.

Some great quotes from last night’s AI episode:

RossTheInternWannabe: <geting more and more exicted> “I would do it in a heartbeat. Oh and I gave them gifts. I GAVE THEM GIFTS! OHHHH and THEY LOVED THEM!”

Simon: <after being given a present> “Can’t we just have money.”

Paula: <getting ready to arm wrestle a Nebraska girl twice her size> “My God, your skin is so beautiful!”

Randy: “No… completely not right… … wrong.”

Simon: <to Paula> “You go be insincere for five minutes so Ryan can be a judge.”

Ryan: <under his breath> “This is the easiest gig ever.”

Simon: “What would your friends say about you entering American Idol?”
Rocker dude: “Well, they obviously want the best for me..”
Simon: “No friends ever do…”

So… after they lambasted Ryan for telling the girl to stop fidgeting, Paula says, “One thing I wil say is that your showmanship need a bit of improvement.” And Simon says, “yeah, that’s a good comment.” Poor Ryan. He’d make a good judge. Maybe me and Ryan can take Randy and Simon’s place in 2 seasons.

Oh and… nice jazz hands and gold lame sparkles. uhhhhhhh

Overall, Oh-maha was unimpressive.  Just a bunch of copycats and wannabes.  No real original voices or personalities.

“Other door”

My very own brother called me the other night and left this voicemail… I just had to share it!

Click here to hear his masterpiece