WhiteEyebrows vs The Lawn

I hate yard work.

During the summers of ’06 and ’07, I got someone to do my mowing and edging for me.  Mostly, because I was just too lazy and preoccupied to do it myself, but also because I hate, hate, hate yard work.

I could think of several perfectly valid excuses why I needed a yard service: I had to do it at a young age so I’ve already been there, I have bad allergies from grass, etc… but none of them would supersede the true reason I did it – pure laziness.

This year though, I felt like I wanted to save a buck and build my character (really, when will I ever have enough character so I can stop building it!?!?), so I “cowboy’d up” and decided to take care of my own lawn.

I was the benefactor of a generous friend who offered to lend me her mower (so I didn’t have to go buy one myself), and off I went mowing into the sunset… and… I survived a whole summer!!!  And I didn’t totally kill all my grass. (Just some of it that wasn’t going to live anyways…)

In doing so I have learned a few lessons I’d like to share:

1. I hate weeds, but weeds are just simply the plants that want to grow in the areas where you’re trying to get other plants to grow.  Why fight them?  Let the grow and flourish in the natural order of things.
2. If you don’t want to feel guilty about the ugliness of your grass, master the art of driving up your driveway with your eyes closed, so as not to see the grass is tall and is ready for another trimming.  This will buy you an extra day off.
3. I have come accept the fact that my grass will never look as good as my neighbor’s, who must have Scott’s lawn service, because his lawn is always perfectly green and soft.  Instead of trying to be the best lawn on the street, I just strive not to be the worst lawn on the street.
4. The easiest way to make your flower beds look good is just to throw in a few new bags of mulch.  Then it looks like you care, and it covers the creeping weeds for a few weeks.
5. Fertilizer hates me.  It never greens up where I want it to.  If it weren’t for clover, parts of my lawn would never look green.
6. My grass is deadly.  Never walk barefoot in it.  It’s sharp, painful, and may draw blood.  Some say that’s a sign of an unhealthy lawn of bermuda grass.  I say it’s a security feature of the house, and that I should get an additional homeowners discount.
7. Fire ants never die, they just relocate.  Be the first to drive them out of your yard and into your neighbor’s.

In conclusion, I woudl like to ask one final question of the grass gods.  Why does the grass flourish and grow when it’s 120 degrees outside, but languish and die when it’s 70 or 80 and you actually want to be out in the yard working?